To Hell With Mumia: Support Ashley Payne

Yesterday, I was reading the Atlanta Journal-Constitution (locally known as the Atlanta Urinal-Constipation), which is something I should never do -- for the sake of my digestion. In my not-so-humble opinion, this second-rate fishwrapper makes the New York Post look like The Christian Science Monitor. The op/ed columns, bluntly put, are garbage, and the typical AJC reader (as evinced by the letters to the editor) is on par with cattle, deer and/or rabbits, intellectually speaking.

Occasionally, though, the AJC does something other than insult my intelligence. This was the case on Monday. In that day's morning edition, a battle over Ashley Payne raged on the editorial pages. I usually get my news online, so I hadn't heard of Payne or her troubles until then.

Ms. Payne, as it happens, is/was a public school teacher (that's bad in and of itself, as far as I'm concerned) at Apalachee High School in Barrow County -- which has apparently mistaken itself for Salem, Massachusetts, ca. 1692. It seems that Ms. Payne made the mistake of being photographed whilst drinking a glass of wine in a French restaurant. She subsequently posted the photo on her Facebook page, inadvertently setting off a shit-storm. (To compound the already Rwanda-esque enormity of her crime, said restaurant was physically located in France -- the land of "cheese-eating surrender-monkeys." Given this, I'm surprised she hasn't been accused of being in cahoots with al Qaeda...)

At this point, some anonymous wanker (probably a jealous co-worker) dropped a dime on her, thereby landing Ms. Payne's ass in the hurt locker, professionally speaking. The administrators at Apalachee High school, taking the fart-sniffing stool pigeon's complaint to heart, then went after Ms. Payne with a vengeance (rumor maintains that they actually conducted a Black Mass, at which they conjured up the shade of Torquemada, and begged him to advise them). As a result of their badgering, Payne resigned.

She's since filed suit, alleging that she was coerced into quitting. Frankly, I believe her. That's an old trick in the government and corporate worlds: lean on "problem" workers until they quit, thereby rendering themselves ineligible for unemployment benefits. It's a way of adding insult to injury. Since it's so popular elsewhere, I suppose it was only a matter of time until the indoctrination camps -- uh, I mean "publik skoolz" -- learned to use it.

What offends me more than the shitty treatment afforded Ashley Payne is the neo-puritanism that fuels it. If Ms. Payne is a competent educator, who gives a flying fuck what she does on her own time? And let's remember that she was in France, for fuck's sake. What manner of pinhead doesn't drink wine when visiting France? Whether you like 'em or hate 'em the French produce some of the world's best wine, and one would be a fool not to enjoy it whilst vacationing in their country. I'd be more inclined to worry about Payne if she didn't have a glass or two -- just as I'd doubt the sanity of anyone who visited Germany without trying the beer, Scandinavia without having a shot of akvavit, or Japan without partaking of the local sake.

Among the many emails the story generated were several from doltish parents who self-righteously whined: "I don't want my children being taught by someone who drinks."

I don't even know where to begin with that one. Beside the fact that these imbeciles -- if taken at their word -- wouldn't have wanted their children studying under Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, St. Paul ("Take a little wine for the stomach's sake") or Jesus (he didn't turn the water at Cana into Dr. Pepper, you know...), they're out of touch with reality, and acting more from emotion than reason. Drinking is not a contagion, folks. One doesn't become a lush by merely breathing the same air as a stewbum.

Moreover, even if a teacher drinks, it does not necessarily -- or even logically -- obtain that he/she is passing Thunderbird or MD 20/20 around the classroom, urging all and sundry to have a tipple. Frankly, were I a parent, I'd be more worried about so-called "sex-ed" instructors teaching the kiddies to put condoms on bananas and jerk off (as if anyone over the age of twelve can't figure that one out for himself), or debating the relative merits of oral and anal sex vs. actual coitus.

I'll also mention that Apalachee is a public school. Public schools cater to all sorts of kids -- including those who drink and use drugs. I myself attended public school -- and I drank and used drugs, as did most of my friends. Now in a teenager's life (unless the human species has evolved radically since I graduated), schoolteachers simply aren't that great an influence. With a few exceptions, I thought mine were full of shit. By tenth grade, I knew they were full of shit -- but gritted my teeth and stuck it out in order to have a shot at college. (Wherein I discovered that with a few exceptions, most of my professors were full of shit. That, however, is another story.)

As Americans, we're collectively prone to demonize whatever or whomever we don't like, while deifying whatever or whomever we do. In modern America, soldiers (although they lose their divine status when our wars are over), cops, firemen, doctors, lawyers and teachers are wrapped in shimmering auras of otherworldy splendor -- until we catch them behaving like the human beings they are. (We also pay most of them -- quacks and sharks being the exceptions to the general rule -- shitty salaries, which gives the lie to our feigned reverence for their professions). When we peel the layers of folk-mythology away from the teaching profession, we find that teachers really aren't very influential at all. Granted, they can sway a kid's politics, extinguish his individuality, and compromise his ability to think critically (see John Taylor Gatto's Underground History of American Education), but that's about it.

As anyone who was ever a teen (and I assume that includes most adults) knows, the primary influence on a teen's behavior is peer-pressure. Not teachers, not parents, not clergy -- peers. Other teens. Perhaps the world's changed (I'm inclined to doubt that, as I'm a firm believer in the Chinese adage "Times change -- men do not.") in the last twenty-five years, but I'd imagine that it's still true. Assuming that it is, and that there are, in fact, students in our public schools who turn on and/or tank up (perish the thought...), it makes more sense to worry about what little Johnny's friends do in their spare time than to worry about his teachers' extra-curricular activities. (Perhaps I'm the exception to the rule, but when I felt a hankerin' for "wacky tabbacky," I went to my friends -- not my fucking English teacher. Frankly, I can't even imagine myself saying "Yo, Mr. Rolison! I'm lookin' to score a lid, dude. Can ya help me out?)

So much for the reality-challenged. The next gaggle of imbeciles to leave me praying for the Doomsday asteroid consisted of the double-standard crowd. These were the simpletons who loudly opined that teachers should be held -- drumroll -- to a higher standard of behavior than us mere mortals. Uh, that's nice -- especially coming from the same fucking country that guaranteed a murderous, philandering drunk (that would be Ted Kennedy) a seat in the Senate for life. If we don't hold our own rulers to a higher standard, how dare we force our morality on the humble schoolmarm? Could it be that we're actually a fat, decadent, effete nation of bullies and cowards? Just asking...

Once again, when the sociall mythology is stripped away, there's no logical reason to hold teachers to a "higher" standard of behavior -- especially when we pay them as little as we do. Assuming: 1.) that consuming alcohol is, in fact, immoral (remember that as a secular society, the jury will be out on that one forever); 2.) that teetotalers are morally superior to boozers (Churchill drank like a fish, while Hitler wouldn't touch a drop; so I suppose the Axis was morally superior to the allies -- isn't reductionism fun?); and 3.) that ours is a free-market system, in which Heinlein's TANSTAAFL ("There ain't no such thing as a free lunch") is the guiding principle, and one gets what one pays for; then perhaps we should offer higher salaries, in order to attract more Puritans, Mennonites and Buddhist monks to teach in our public schools. (Pardon the digression, but the existence of public schools presupposes that ours in not a free market system, but rather a "mixed economy.")

This, however, is America. We're quite adept at talking about market principles, but when it comes to applying them across the board, we're as entitlement-minded as anyone else. Our kids have a right to be taught by Pearl Pureheart, by God! And we shouldn't have to pay more for her services! Gimme a fucking break...

Not all the letters condemned Ms. Payne, though. Many, if not even most, were downright supportive. One that caught my notice was from a gentleman who called himself "Old Grunt." I have no way of verifying his claim, but he mentioned that he was a teacher, and further mentioned that he'd been photographed whilst raising hell during his hitch in the Army. He then asks, quite reasonably: "Do I lose my job as a teacher because of them?" In conclusion, he writes: "I guess I was okay to defend the nation, but should not be able to teach its young."

And that, I think, is the core issue -- hypocrisy. I'd really like to spy on the anti-Payne clowns and see how they conduct themselves. I wonder how many drink, abuse their medications, cheat on their spouses, cheat on their taxes, watch porno, gamble, abuse their spouses and children, steal from their employers and otherwise ignore the beams in their own eyes whilst pointing out the dust mote in Ashley Payne's. In my experience, the hidden vices are the nastiest ones, and they're usually found in those who criticize others the most vocally.

At least we know Ashley Payne drinks. What do we know about her persecutors?

At any rate, I'm in her corner. I hope she wins her lawsuit, and I've posted this photo as a gesture of solidarity.

Comments

[John Wilkinson]

This is so digustingly wrong in so many ways. First of all a bottle of plum wine should never serve as a makeshift phallus.

[Aaron]

Yeah. Yer supposed to use brandy, it's more hygienic.

This woman got pressured into quitting over drinking on her own time? Not at work, or showing up drunk? Just, drinking wine on her vacation? What the fuck? They do realize Prohibition has been repealed, right?

[Sean]

Amazing. Hadn't heard anything about this.

In fairness, the people in this district probably don't elect tipplers, and the denizens of Taxachussetts probably don't fire teachers for drinking while on vacation. But as a rule, someone with a dim view of his fellow man is likelier to experience far less disappointment and disillusion, and may even be pleasantly surprised on occasion.

Most people don't give a shit about the existence of the whip. They only care whether it's on their back (when it's evil) or in their hand (when it's their God-given right). Best of luck to Ms. Payne, and bad cess to the haters.

[Steve]

The coward who sent the anonymous e-mail had claimed within said e-mail that they did not want to reveal who they are in order to protect their daughter.

If the accusations against Ms. Payne *were* true, then what did the parent (or the student) in question have to fear? Like Ms. Payne would have put a "contract" on her and her daughter? Yeah, right. Gimme a break!

The accuser is a coward and the Barrow County school admins acted like "gutless wonders". :(

[Dave]

I couldn't agree with you more, Steve.

But the way of the coward is the way of *predictable* projection.

Written as a piece of dialogue, it would read: "I stack the cards in my favor; hit you from behind; and then circumvent your Constitutional right to confront your accuser (this is a *government* entity, and not a private school; ergo, Ms. Payne's Constitutional rights should apply...) by attributing my own motives to you."

Thanks for the comment, Steve. It's good to know that I'm not the only man in Georgia who's shaking his head in disgust and asking the question: "What the f---?"