“Enough with those comic books already, Irving. I want that you should stop reading them. They’ll rot your mind.”
I can’t say for certain that any given present-day director, producer or screenwriter heard those words during his childhood and/or adolescence, but I have my suspicions.
Before hitting the hay (and a tad prematurely, at that) last night, I excoriated the non-horror film, Set Piece Murder (An utter waste of celluloid, in which a Vegas-based, German photographer – whose grandpappy was a Nazi, of course -- experiences nosebleeds whenever he shags a hooker, and subsequently gongs every Schlumpf in his path), and No Country for Old Men, a flick that keeps one on the edge of one’s seat for the first hour or so, then suddenly (and quite inexplicably) turns into an incoherent mass of shite during the last fifteen minutes.
I ain’t done, by a long shot.
Next on the shit list is the Japanese “epic,” Dragonhead.
This meandering yawn-fest takes place in post-apocalyptic Japan, in which the sudden obliteration of civilization by an immense volcano apparently turns every surviving resident of the “Land of the Rising Sun” into either a raving psychotic or a whining crybaby. The less said of it, the better – so don’t waste your money on this limp-dicked farce.
Nor on Hillside Cannibals.
While purportedly based on the tale of Sawney Bean, the infamous “Galloway Cannibal,” this silly piece of shit has nothing to do with the Beans, and – beyond the fact that one of the badguys is a deformed feeb in a kilt – nothing to do with Scotland.
In a nutshell, it’s set somewhere in the Southwest, and is essentially a cross between The Hills Have Eyes and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Inbred, cannibal retards kill loathsome, unsympathetic teenagers – and the viewer’s interest.
The only good thing I can say about this flick is that it’s motivated me to bag my own fucking groceries for the next month or two.
Last up on the list is 2Fast, 2Furious.
It’s 2fucking stupid and 2fucking pointless 2waste good money on.
The sooner the "Heathen Chinee" nuke L.A. -- and Miami -- the better.